Sunday, January 8, 2012

a need to express

I feel the need to express some feelings I'm having lately sorry if this becomes negative, you know how hormones go....
I absolutely love being pregnant, it is an amazing thing......But at the same time and like everything else it has it's cons. Like the last half of extreme uncomfortable-ness. I can't even roll over at night without there being pain or it being difficult. I swear it takes me atleast 3 minutes to go from my left side to the right or visa-versa. Then add in my tailbone. I have my good days there, and others seem like the injury is fresh(it's been almost 20 days since I fell). Then there is the fatigue that comes and goes and I can't keep up with my boys or play with them when they want. Can't forget the high flow of emotions, that can really screw some things up. But I can handle all the cons and make due. But the one thing that really irratates me is when I feel abandoned. I love my husband and support him in everything he does. I'm excited about his calling and the chance he has to work with the youth in our church and that he gets to help make a difference in their life. There are just some days when I feel like he doesn't have time for me between work and doing stuff for his calling. I miss him during those times and just want him home with us. It's not right for me to complain when he has to leave, I just have to suck it up and deal with it/bury it/bottle it up. I just hate the feeling that it leaves me with.
And to look on the brighter side, the pros out weigh the cons by A TON!!!! The joy of creating life, feeling your child move, seeing them move, hearing their heartbeat atleast once a month at the doctors, building a very special bond, then of course holding and seeing the beautiful child when they are born and then getting to keep them and watch them grow and learn.
Pregnancy can be a trial, it can be easy, it can be hard, it can be in the middle. I'm grateful that I haven't had any serious problems during any of my pregnancies. Worst thing with Chase was my stretchmarks got inflamed, with Emmett I had several UTI's, and with Lyla so far it has been the migranes and overall there has been more pain and more difficulty then with the boys, but Pregnancy is a gift, and the child is an even greater gift. I am grateful for the oportunity to have this baby and the gift my Father in Heaven has given me.


The Barnum Family said...

I don't know if I could ever call pregnancy a "gift", but I do agree that the end result is precious and ultimately worth it. I know what you mean about feeling abandoned some times. My husband works A LOT of hours and there are days when I feel very alone in the adventure of parenthood. Hang in there and when you're having a hard day, give yourself a break. Enjoy some chocolate or diet coke or whatever your thing is and remember that pregnancy doesn't last forever(thank goodness!). =)

Deborah said...

Thanks Ashley! I used the term "gift" cause it is a blessing and not everyone woman gets to be pregnant for whatever reason. And I see all blessings as gifts from our Father in Heaven. I'm glad I'm not alone in the abandonment feeling. It is a good thing that pregnancy doesn't last forever, I wouldn't be able to handle it I don't think.