Monday, February 16, 2009

Me Just Expressing Feelings about Friendship

I got thinking tonight about friendship. This isn't about one single person, it involves quite a few people. Some people are your friend through some really hard times, then when they go through something they won't let you in and help them. Even if you just wanted to be a shoulder to cry on or to lend an ear. And then your friendship diminishes and then you never really talk to each other. And when you do you agree to get together when the other comes to town, but they never contact you when that time comes. So things just go down the toliet. Sometimes you start out as just friends through a friend or just someone you knew from a class, and you want to become closer later on, but that person just dismisses it and doesn't make an effort. The same thing happens with friends who were your best friend but went their own way and once you find them again, they won't talk to you. I thought I had a lot of friends but they have just seemed to pass me up now for new friends and have left me in the dark. I try to talk with them and "re-kindle" that friendship, but none of them seem to want to put forth any effort. This is a hit on self-esteem to me. I sometimes feel that I'm just not very important and that I'm just to be a looser and left in the dark. When I have these times it hurts and I feel that sometimes all I have is my family. I love my family, but sometimes I need that other interatction. Someone else that I can go to. I don't know who that person or those people are anymore. I don't know who will be there for me and those that I use to go to, haven't been in my life enough lately to fully understand. I lost a bunch of friends and want them back. I try to help them and congratulate them and just be there and supportive to them. I can tell they appreciate it, sorta. But why don't I get the same in return from them. I guess they just don't care anymore or don't want to take the time.
I do have several wonderful friends that are here for me, and I love them and appreciate everything they do for me. I am so thankful that I have met them and they are in my life. My relationship with them is still growing.
I would like to re-gain the friends I feel I have lost. I don't know what else to do. I know I'm shy, and I'm working on it. But I have made moves like I said to show these old friends that I'm still here and I care, but they still dismiss me. It makes it even harder for me to come out of my shell when this happens. I take a good effort to come out and be a part of their life but I feel they just push me away.

This probably didn't make to much sense, but I just needed to get it off my chest and out of my head. If you read it, thanks for listening!

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