Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Installing a Husband

Heidi posted this on facebook and I loved it, so I thought I post it on here.


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed, Desperate.


First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 ;program.These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7..

Worst Case Scenario from a Former User of Husband 1.0:Nagging 5.3 corrupted the hard drive causing considerable shrinkage of memory to the point of non-functioning (if you know what I mean). Lingerie 7.7 and 3.0 failed miserably due to the Mother-in-law virus that was encrypted upon production of my particular model of Husband 1.0 When tech support was called they suggested we experiment with beta software Counseling 0.8. Upon trial of that program all memory shut down and the system lost power. Rebooting attempted several times by fiddling with the main drivers but to no avail. Upon observation that this particular version of Husband 1.0 was useless I sent it back to the factory demanding a refund.

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